Societal over-stimulation…

Or the consummate Christmas gift?

Every once in a while, you really just have to laugh at what’s happening in the world or what comes your way; otherwise, you might find yourself crying (in either case, tears may be involved). A solid (and sometimes sophomoric) sense of humor can be a huge help during the times in which we live. If you don’t have one, you may want to stop reading now, as you may find it juvenile, inappropriate, irreverent, offensive, triggering, or even over-stimulating.

Speaking of stimulation…society seems to suffer no scarcity thereof. People exhibit a need to be entertained throughout the day, with screens in front of faces almost 24/7. Some can’t get through the shortest of moments or simplest of tasks without something to otherwise occupy or stimulate their senses. Even when exercising, the desire to be distracted dominates. I will admit to enjoying music during my workouts, but most workouts make visual diversion difficult. Well, apparently, one type of regular routine can be augmented by a video game with quite a special controller.

For those who have never said it, perhaps now is the time. In the category of “now I’ve seen everything,” or perhaps, “I can’t ever unsee that and I wish I could,” I present to you, the Perifit. No, the games are not played by holding the controller in your hand as seen in the picture above. This is, after all, no ordinary joystick. This video game is used to keep the senses stimulated while performing…Kegel exercises!

As you might presume from the picture, this game is controlled through pelvic pressure. Yes, this joystick is held in the hoo-ha. It took some real entrepreneurial ingenuity to develop a crotchular controller. Nintendo Switch ain’t got nuthin’ on this! There are twelve games available to help focus your mind and your foof on your form and fitness, and much like your FitBit, this will track and report on your score, force, stamina, and agility! No more second-guessing your perineal puissance. You’ll have all your down-there data right in the palm of your hand.

I would think a minorly-modified Super Mario Bros. would be well-suited to this privates-pleasing pastime, but alas, that does not appear to be included. Perhaps the entertainment could be enhanced with additional movement options as the player advances her muscular engagement and control. The pelvic probe does have multiple sensors that could be used for detecting distinct deviation in the dilation of the different downstairs districts making more advanced play possible. And who doesn’t want their bits broadcasting over Bluetooth?

The only other complaint I can conceive is that it appears to be a sexist apparatus. After all, post-prostatectomy patients are prescribed Kegels to practice (and other men may use them too). Surely men deserve a gaming experience geared for improving their pelvic-floor fitness. Perhaps it could include such games as Fortnite and Grand Theft Auto and  be called the Flexifit. Alas, for now, playing the Perifit is reserved for their beaver-bearing counterparts.

This vaginal video game will provide her hours of mollycoddling minge-musement. If your better half suffers sub-navel squirts when laughing, coughing, or sneezing, or if she just likes va-jay-jay play, the Perifit could just be the perfect Christmas gift. Or, maybe it is simply a sign society is sinking into a seriously stimulation-dependent state.

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*For your further amusement and stimulation, here is an actual commercial for the Perifit: